when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
being pregnant is like rehab
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
