I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
