I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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