if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just invented taco cereal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
