Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
