My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
