I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
