Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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