I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
