Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
