I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
