On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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