'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
