Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
