I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
