The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i think my cat just said my name.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
