new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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