dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
