oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
