I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
