I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
