my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
