youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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