Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
