It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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