At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
