11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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