I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
