brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
