i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
