I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
