Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
