the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
