i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
