Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
