What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
