I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i out mim tonsoeep
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