he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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