I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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