I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
