Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
