Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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