Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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