Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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