i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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