I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
