I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
