every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
