I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
