Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
